We Made Other Plans
Unexpected Life Changes
Your Story
At 60 years old:
Parenting littles
PB&J sandwiches
PTA’s and Fundraisers
Youth Sports
Tooth Fairy Visits
Raising your children’s children
The Next Chapter…
Parents…Again
Where to begin to tell you the story of how I got here? It was April 2016. It was a Wednesday. An incoming phone call shows the caller ID is from the Department of Children’s Services (DCS). The call goes something like this….”are you the grandmother of two young boys?” “Do you know where they are?” Was this a dream? Where were my son and his wife? Were they ok?
My husband and I had just visited the family a few weeks prior. Was I dreaming? What were they talking about? I had an out of body experience. I felt like I was floating above my desk. No, it was not a dream. It was real and it was not pretty.
Life Plans
Our grandkids were found in the backyard of their abandoned rental home- alone in the dark with no adult present. Obviously, there is more to this disturbing story. This was just the first chapter. Within thirty-six hours, my husband and I were new “parents (again)” Two beautiful bouncing baby boys were headed our way. The boys were eleven months and 4 1/2 years old. We had been “new” parents before but, it had been three decades ago. Little did we know this journey would lead us where we are today. Forever changed. With new stories to tell….and new chapters to write.
Abandoned
The boys were located in a southern state 13 hours away. My husband was traveling for work in Connecticut. I called my husband. It was obvious what we had to do. We had to get there, and fast! My husband drove all night to retrieve me. I jumped in the truck and away we went. We were on a mission to save our grandbabies. Still numb and uncertain of what was happening. It was eerie. Was this really happening?
We started down the interstate making lists and phone calls attempting to have a plan. The plot was unfolding like a movie. For some reason, we knew what to do. Call it Devine Intervention- auto pilot was engaged!
We started to make phone calls. Attorneys, doctors and DCS. We were referred to an attorney from the Employee Assistant Program benefit I have with my employer. It was truly a blessing they could see us that very day….it was 4 pm on a Friday! We requested to have a document be drawn up allowing us to take the boys out of state. We wanted the mother to acknowledge that. Next, the boy’s pediatrician. We needed shot records, etc. No one gave us any push back. We had an attorney appointment and medical records emailed to us all within a matter of one hour. It was a miracle. HIPPA never even came up! Everyone we spoke to bent over backwards to help. It was surreal. Super Natural Power in play!
36 Hours
We were unable to determine the whereabouts of our son. Thankfully, we were able to locate the mom by phone during our drive down. We learned she and my son had picked up the children after the call from DCS. We discovered the abandonment happened during a domestic dispute. They were no longer a couple. The specific details are very unclear. All we cared about was getting our sweet boys. It was agreed to meet the mom at the attorney’s office to sign paperwork allowing for legal “temporary” removal of the boys from the state. The mom assured us this was “temporary”. She stated she needed a few weeks to figure out her situation. We agreed to help. We were hopeful things would start to make sense and with our support everything would be ok.
It’s strange, I knew in my gut this was permanent. I was trying to put this out of my mind. I did not share this thought with anyone. Sometimes you know…..Grandmother’s intuition.
When we arrived at the attorney’s office it was around 4:00 p.m. on a Friday. The attorney had prepare the necessary documents. The paperwork was ready. Once, the mother and grandchildren were there we proceeded to make it temporarily legal. Heartbreaking, does not come close to the utter sadness in that room. The mother. The kids. And my husband and me. Even, the law firm staff were emotional. The babies looked lost…and so, did everyone else.
Once, the exchange occurred we were on our way to DCS. DCS requested us to stop on our way out of town to show proof of our identities and to document the boys were in our care.
Next, we were north bound in less than 2 hours with the kiddo’s in the back seat. Round trip was less than 36 hours. And just like that we had no idea of our next move. What the heck do we do now? We had full time jobs, no daycare, no child beds, carseats, clothing, etc.
Ironically, we had just sold our home a few weeks before and were living in a small rental. We were in the process of building our small retirement home. We had made decisions based on what we wanted our retirement to look like. Our life had been about working hard and caring for others. We were ready to downsize and have less to be responsible for. We were a few years out from retirement. We had made plans! But, you know what happens when you are busy making plans…..LIFE.
What happened?
People ask “what happened?” We honestly have no idea of the specific details that lead to the abandonment of our grandkids. We had attended our older grandson’s birthday a few months before. Nothing, appeared out of the norm. In less than two months, the boys were homeless and abandoned. The parents were not together and our son was nowhere to be found.
Unfortunately, we still have no clue where our son is. Nor, are we any clearer as to the “why”. Sleepless nights are endless. Lying awake wondering what happened, and of course the “WHY”?…it’s true heartbreak. The loss unmeasurable. Some days, you think you are doing better. Other days, you aren’t. We have found the best thing to do is to take it one day at a time. We look for the joy in each day. It’s a conscious daily decision.
What keeps us going? – THE BOYS. We have faith our hearts will heal with the love we share. Without a doubt, the boys are a blessing to our family. For this, I am grateful. Their love is pure and absolute.
It’s still a mystery how DCS knew how to reach us. I am thankful each and every day for a social worker named “Liz”. These children could have ended up in state custody with a very different outcome. (Liz mentioned, once in state custody it could be 6-9 months before they would be processed out of the system!)
This blog is about our journey. Parenting, “grand style” while embracing our “new” unplanned life. Navigating the change while updating our life (style) plans, DIY’s and the kid-crazy lifestyle.
We are in our early 60’s. It’s like living life in reverse, with a few more body-aches. Add in, a side of “what the h-e-double toothpicks. After 6 years, I can honestly say it’s starting to feel a bit, normal! Ok, maybe not normal but, less chaotic. Funny, sometimes, I do feel like this was meant to be. There goes that Devine Intervention again!
PB and J’s?
What does PB and J’s have to do with this….it’s my analogy. Retirement should be filled with…something a bit different. Kind of like, a Monte Cristo sandwich. The trouble is, life can serve up something unexpected. No matter how wonderful you are at menu planning! Things happen out of our control. I’ve struggle with how unfair and cruel life can be. It’s is fair! But, you add, it’s how you eat it! Remember, it’s your life too. Don’t let it eat you alive!
What I have found to be true…
DON’T hold grudges or bitterness. If you do, you are only hurting yourself and the family. We must look for the good in every situation. Be the excellent role models our grandkids need. We parents need to support each other. No matter our age! Young parents and grand parents alike. We can learn and support each other-together.
In Conclusion,
It’s PB and J’s on my menu, again for me. And, like an old classic movie there is something bittersweet about this comfort food. It’s time to enjoy the the life you have now. It’s on the menu, now! Breathe, love and let go- one messy, sticky bite at a time. The Monte Cristo’s can wait!
Peace & Love & PBJ’s
